One Spooky Ride
By
James W. Yanosko
By
James W. Yanosko
Once there was a man named Vlad who went to work as a bicycle guide. He was from Kansas and he was young and strong. He dreamed of guiding people in exotic locations and when he jumped out of his car in Utah he knew this was the place for him. His initial plan was to find a guide service that would pay him with lodging and food. As his needs were minimal and he had some money put away, when he was offered just such a position at Ye Old Mountain Tours, he took it immediately.
The owners were a couple in their late 40’s, named Joseph and Sally, who had an established business and customers were plentiful. Their guide service was run out of their house and several out buildings on their small ranch. Vlad rode often and his legs and lungs grew to an immense size. He was soon one of the top guides and his customers tipped him well. Before long he was offered a small salary and better sleeping arrangements. He moved in to a larger apartment he shared with one other guide named Dan. Vlad and Dan became good friends and things were perfect.
One morning Vlad woke up and looked over at his friend. The wrinkles under Dan’s eyes were evident and he looked exhausted.
“You look awful. Didn’t you sleep last night?” asked Vlad.
“Nah, it was kinda rough last night,” he replied.
“But we went to bed early,” said Vlad. “You better get your ass in gear. We have a long day planned.”
The two guides rode that day with a large corporate group from Pennsylvania. Dan had trouble keeping a good pace and eventually was dropped by the slowest riders of the group. When the group returned to the ranch they thanked both guides and a few guests slipped some extra tip money to Vlad.
“What the hell was that?” yelled Vlad when the rented vans pulled away from the ranch.
“I know. Sorry. I just couldn’t keep up,” replied Dan.
That night Vlad and Dan went to bed early again. They drank no beers that evening and the moon was so bright they had to pull the shades in their small apartment. The next morning when Vlad woke from sleep he saw once again that Dan looked as if he hadn’t slept at all. Suspecting that Dan was sick he kept his comments to a minimum during the ride. Again Dan fell behind and could hardly keep up with the large group.
“We need to get you to the doctor or something,” said Vlad.
“No doctors. I’ll be OK,” said Dan.
When they got ready for bed again that evening Vlad pressed Dan for any ideas as to why he wasn’t sleeping. Dan looked around the small room as if checking to make sure no one was listening. Then he got up and turned on the stereo.
“Can you keep a secret?”
“Sure, what is it?” asked Vlad.
“Sally, the owner. She’s a witch.”
“What are talking about?”
“When the moon is bright, just a few times a month, she comes in here, whispers a spell into my ear, puts a chain around my neck and turns me into a mountain bike,” said Dan.
“Are you crazy?” asked Vlad. He was upset that his friend would make up such a garbage excuse for not pulling his weight.
“It’s true,” said Dan. “She’s a witch and she has been doing this to me for years. I’m under her spell and can’t leave or fight it.”
That night, Vlad agreed to sleep in Dan’s bed to see for himself.
His dreams that night were more like nightmares. The witch rode him in the moonlight at a speed that he could never maintain on his own. They jumped over boulders and screamed down hills. She bashed him off of rocks and around corners. She pushed hard and up hills they raced. When the morning came and Vlad finally woke from his sleep, he was exhausted.
“I told you,” said Dan.
“What kind of crazy place is this?” asked Vlad.
That evening they hatched a plan to finally break the spell. Dan would let her turn him into a bike again, but this time Vlad would secretly chase them from behind in the darkness.
Just as she always did when the moon was bright, in came Sally and she uttered a spell into Dan’s ear. Vlad heard it all. She placed the chain around his neck and off they rode. Vlad quietly jumped on to his personal Heckler and rode off into the night behind the witch. Again she rode at an amazing pace and Vlad struggled to keep up. Just when he knew he couldn’t go any further, the witch steered her bike into a large clearing. There was a blazing bonfire and a small party in the middle of the desert. She dropped the bike on to the ground and joined the party around the fire.
Vlad crept up to the bike, slid the master link and broke the chain. He walked up to the witch and bent down beside her. He whispered the spell into her ear and slid the chain around her neck. She turned into a mountain bike. The other witches looked on and said nothing. Vlad picked up the bike and pushed her back to find Dan sitting there in the darkness next to the Heckler.
They rode back to the ranch. Vlad rode the witch and Dan rode Vlad’s bike. The next morning Vlad pushed his new bike into the small mechanics area and found Joe working on a few rental bikes.
“Hey Joe, I picked up this bike from a buddy in town but it doesn’t really fit me that well. It’s kind of small. Would you take it off of my hands for a couple months lodging?” asked Vlad.
Joe looked over the bike and it appeared to be in amazing shape with some quality components. The frame was bare and no stickers adorned the down tube.
“Not sure what it’s made of but I think it’s a custom frame,” said Vlad.
“It’s not hot is it?”
“No, not at all. It just doesn’t fit. My buddy had to get rid of it and I figured it would be a way for me to make a few dollars,” said Vlad.
Joe wheeled the bike over to the Park stand feeling rather glad. The frame was superlight and was in perfect condition. It would make an excellent addition to his large stable of bikes. It would be perfect for ladies looking for a quality ride to rent. He lifted the bike off of the floor and placed the clamp around the seat post. He checked the brakes and turned the cranks. The chain seemed a bit dry. He slid the master link and broke the chain. He turned away to get a tube of lube off the shelf. When he turned back he saw his wife. The clamp was secured tight around her neck and her dead eyes peered out at him.
The End